Closer

Aren’t I supposed to be going to bed at three.. and not getting up?

That can’t be right.

It’s all coming upon me again as the excitement I feel about working gets into fisticuffs with ‘outside, bad…inside, good’

Bloody Nora.. I have to go shopping for clothes. I have to find that one perfect shirt and buy 10 of them.

The last perfect shirt lasted me 2 albums and a couple of tours… and day wear.

It longs to be retired.

This is the perfect way of dressing for me. (other than you have to assure your companions daily, that whilst it is indeed identical, it is not the same shirt that you had on yesterday.)

It requires no thought and no pursed lipped mirror gazing.

 

Shit, but I’m fat.

Not that imaginary pop world fat, that the truly beautiful and talented Lilly Allen sees on herself.

The type of self-image that gets thrown upon a regular girl from the taunting, self-satisfied suck-chicks, who pluck and baste themselves in a tragic frenzy…. no…real fat.

I am the real deal. I should be banned from the NHS and taxed more.

Arse.

 

Trouble with having a website, and making connection with people who are interested in you, for whatever reason… is that you are drawn to looking at images of yourself.

I have been reminded of certain performances, and have gone to look to see how I felt about them retrospectively.

This never happened before computers. Not for me.

Before computers I answered mail.

I polished my desk.

 

There is also, along with the brilliant support and loyalty that I know I will encounter… a slightly masochistic tip to these outings.

I am interested to know what will sting me.

I have from time to time, pulled off my own toe nail to see if I could bear it.

Polish that, you manicurist….

(sorry if that makes you retch…well, no, not that sorry)

 

Anyway, as much as being fat grieves me for the simple fact, and admittedly not the only one, that it makes the bi-decade shopping expedition more torturous, it does not, after years of lame and tired name calling – sting.

 

..back to the WWW…

The last comment I noted was ‘great song / voice ( I can’t remember which)..but no, she’s much too fat’

 

…and i thought, nothing wrong with your spacial awareness friend, but…. too fat for what?

 

If, after hearing my dulcet tones you found me to be pleasingly proportioned, were you preparing to take me pony trekking?

 

Are you looking for a singer to go pot-holing with?

 

Have I missed out on the chance in a million, to be the muse for your squinty-eyed, self-pleasuring quest?

If only I hadn’t eaten that pie, I could have been loved by you.

 

Why didn’t I work more in my thin 90’s? Yes, ok, not thin enough to save Girls Aloud from suicide, but just fine for me.

 

 Anyway.

 The record is nearly finished and I am an aural beauty!

Soon you can listen to it, and then occupy yourselves loving the one you’re with.

 

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11 Responses to “Closer”


  1. 1 alroald June 12, 2007 at 10:17 am

    Everybody sees you differently. I know none of us really know you, but we know things about you and you are considerate kind and true…if that’s a cliche, then a truly wonderful cliche you are. You give so much, not like other up-their-own-thin-ass stars. We know what we get with you. You don’t pretend, you don’t lie, you don’t embellish something that is dire. OK you have your faults but from this angle you are true to yourself and so, are true to your fans…and you don’t let it go to your head… Fat?….well for me, there’s more to love and your music says so. Nobody’s perfect xx

  2. 2 russt June 12, 2007 at 4:48 pm

    I like someone with a bit of meat on them myself.

    I was a fat kid who lost it all without effort in my teens – it dropped off, leaving me like a beanpole for my 20s and 30s… but with a problem now…. since working from home and being blissfully in love… it’s piling on! 3 stone at the last count.

    So, skimmed milk and Candarel cuppas and much salad… it’s slowly coming off.

    I like you bigger or smaller to be honest – my fave Moyet ‘look’ was that Lesley Garrett performance – stunning…. but hey…. when you’ve a face that’s as absolutely beautiful as yours (no sh*t Sherlock) – who gives a monkeys about what only the hubby’s gonna see anyway?

    Much love… and can’t wait for a few snippets of the album… and maybe the title 😉

    Rxxxx

  3. 3 rustiallen June 12, 2007 at 6:55 pm

    i think you can be sure that the true fans of your music/voice are so for the simple fact that it touches them in some certain way. for myself i can say that i’ve never been a fan of “image”, just pure, raw talent, and that’s what you have.

    can’t wait for the new cd…………….russell

  4. 4 mig1 June 13, 2007 at 5:37 am

    You’re funny. 🙂 I love you.

  5. 5 ricjans14 June 18, 2007 at 6:38 pm

    AM, you inspire me! i met my new boyfriend and i had not heard any 80’s stuff. I fell in love with yazoo. i found your best hits CD and fell in love. i wish a good thing like that didn’t end so soon. but ut of it i get Erasure and You! My partner lost his partner of 10 years and your song with Clark, Nobody’s Diary was their song. it makes me cry when i hear it! STAY SEXY!

    Rich

  6. 6 celticscotian June 25, 2007 at 6:00 am

    I’ve just reacquainted myself with my favourite voice of my younger years – having listened to Upstairs at Eric’s so much that I destroyed my vinyl copy and warped my tape…and learned there is MORE to come. I’m excited! There is a radio station in the Los Angeles area called Jack FM and they’ve played some Yazoo recently – Don’t Go – prompting me to get on the internet and find out what became of you while I was off enjoying a sojourn into progressive heavy metal.

    As for the “fat” chat – yeah…been on those horribly demoralizing shopping trips myself…and nice to see there is someone else who buys several of the same shirt so as to not have to deal with it again for a while. I laughed with familiarity when I read the comment about having to reassure friends you ARE changing your clothes. I’d love to know where you are finding something that actually survives as long as the shirt you are currently replacing! I am finding clothing to be depressingly disposable! When I first got to this webpage, though, I was struck by how BLOODY GORGEOUS you are. Aging appears to have been a positive process for you (unlike for some of us…)

    Looking forward to wrapping myself in your voice again. 🙂

  7. 7 auntiquity July 12, 2007 at 2:04 am

    Alison I was thrilled to see you had a blog!

    About two years ago I was getting fed up with all the same old music I had and was browsing around ITunes and somehow clicked on your cds.

    I’ve been around forever! I’m an old chick and I had of course heard of you but never gotten round to listening to your music. My loss!

    You have a voice in six billion and I love everything you’ve done. You are at the top of my Ipod list and that’s not just because your name starts with an ‘A’. You are THE BEST.

    I cannot wait for the new cd! I am so glad you are working on it!

    Now down to business!

    What is with this ‘fat’ stuff?!

    No, girl! You are beautiful! I’m, shall we say, svelte too but our shape used to be the ideal of beauty! Sure it’s good to be fit and healthy but being a string bean, skinny, pathetic looking waif is NOT beautiful.

    You have the most incredible talent and that alone should make you feel gorgeous but you are a lovely looking lady as well and don’t let any scrawny so-and-so tell you different.

    Here watch this. I love it! Great ego booster for we ample gals. I hope you like it too.

    Yes, it’s YouTube..isn’t everything? But give it a look see!

    Great to find you, Alison!

  8. 8 Marlene July 22, 2007 at 1:10 am

    You are the second* most beautiful singer there is, and I mean beautiful woman and beautiful voice!!

    I do say that for years… REALLY!! So sad you didn’t heard me. 😉

    Love it you have a blog. And a new album very soon – HOORAY!

    Love and greetz from the Netherlands,
    Marlene

    * my girlfriend is the 1st 🙂

  9. 9 spanchops August 10, 2007 at 9:29 pm

    Ok, you might say I’m at the other end of the scale, thin as a rake and no sign of ever being any different. All I can say is that we are all very different thankfully.

    We are beautiful to those that really matter… those that don’t matter well they can just kiss my rear end.

    I have to say, that I met you Alison many moons ago outside the Royal Albert Hall, and I can honestly say that I have never met a more beautifully statuesque woman in my life…
    I don’t think I could speak for about an hour after!
    ;P

    Good luck with the new album, and no doubt I will play that one blank too…

    xx

  10. 10 purple3trees August 11, 2007 at 12:32 pm

    Only just seen this blog. Did you realise you were a role model for all us fat girls in the 80’s and 90’s?
    You proved the point that you could be good looking AND big and that actually all that stuff just didn’t matter.
    The media is an evil minded bugger. It keeps telling us that we’ll be unhappy and unloved unless we lose weight and look like the waifs on tv. We know it’s not true. It’s never has been.
    Good luck with the new album, we can’t wait.
    TX

  11. 11 sebastian242 October 2, 2007 at 11:49 pm

    You are not fat!!!
    YOU ARE SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL! I have been a BIG fan of Yours since 1985 and always thought of you that way. I even developed a crush on you during my teen years.
    You’re almost like an angel to me.
    GOOD LUCK WITH THE NEW ALBUM.
    Best wishes Alison.
    LOVE & RESPECT
    xsx


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